by Jason Chatfield — (Please note: This is not official medical advice.)
You’re sitting at the kitchen table researching COVID-19 (watching puppy videos) when you get that tingle in your joints
You’re sitting at the kitchen table researching COVID-19 (watching puppy videos) when you get that tingle in your joints
DAY 2: Still Denial
DAY 2: Still Denial
You’re lying in bed with a fever of 105 but you convince yourself only OTHER people get “the virus”
You’re lying in bed with a fever of 105 but you convince yourself only OTHER people get “the virus”
DAY 3: Netflix and The Chills
DAY 3: Netflix and The Chills
You chomp down on paracetamol like Skittles to keep your fever under control (every 3 hours)
You chomp down on paracetamol like Skittles to keep your fever under control (every 3 hours)
You isolate yourself from humanity. You walk outside. You can not stop shaking.
You isolate yourself from humanity. You walk outside. You can not stop shaking.
Man standing on deck in a rug, shivering uncontrollably.
Man standing on deck in a rug, shivering uncontrollably.
You can’t stand up without feeling like you’re going to pass out. No more showers. (but wash your hands).
You can’t stand up without feeling like you’re going to pass out. No more showers. (but wash your hands).
Man on ground with blanket on — fever, chills, fever dreams, sore hips for some reason.
Man on ground with blanket on — fever, chills, fever dreams, sore hips for some reason.
DAY 5: It comes in waves
DAY 5: It comes in waves
You feel fine for like a while-ish, then out of nowhere you get PUNCHED in the FACE with diarrhea and fever and chills and mo
You feel fine for like a while-ish, then out of nowhere you get PUNCHED in the FACE with diarrhea and fever and chills and mo
You breathe in and it sounds like the sound Coco Pops make when you pour milk on them. You call your local HEALTH DEPT. You a
You breathe in and it sounds like the sound Coco Pops make when you pour milk on them. You call your local HEALTH DEPT. You a
DAY 7: Try to finish a sentence without coughing
DAY 7: Try to finish a sentence without coughing
You now look like Tom Hanks in Castaway. You haven’t showered in four days.
You now look like Tom Hanks in Castaway. You haven’t showered in four days.
Guy passed out in shower asking “Is this technically a bath now?”
Guy passed out in shower asking “Is this technically a bath now?”
Day 9: Pan(dem)ic
Day 9: Pan(dem)ic
Your mind immediately runs to Kate Winslet in Contagion.
Your mind immediately runs to Kate Winslet in Contagion.
Guy on phone which is telling him “You have it” — Guy is thinking “I’m going to die in a local basketball stadium”.
Guy on phone which is telling him “You have it” — Guy is thinking “I’m going to die in a local basketball stadium”.
You think about every single object you touched in the last month.
You think about every single object you touched in the last month.
You wipe down EVERYTHING because you’re contagious butthead.
You wipe down EVERYTHING because you’re contagious butthead.
*Seriously though, if you have trouble breathing, call your doctor immediately.
*Seriously though, if you have trouble breathing, call your doctor immediately.

PLEASE NOTE: This is not professional medical advice. Call your doctor if you are experiencing symptoms.

Footnote: We have both since made a full recovery and went into full isolation once we were diagnosed. Please stay safe.

Jason is a cartoonist for The New Yorker, MAD, WIRED, Airmail, Variety and The Weekly Humorist. See more of his work here.

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